Just came back from the dentist to find I have three cavities... which are all on my front teeth. I hate this fail. I can't believe im venting on a blog. Its frickin pissing me off right now. Its the same feeling I got when I got my report card and saw all the crappy grades I got. Its the same feeling I got when I realized I can't donate blood until I move out of my house because of my stupid dad. Its the freaking worst feeling ever. ARGH IM SO PISSED and theres no one to talk to but my stupid blog... my mom says I should go see a counseler. F--- that. Its just a freakin waste of money...
In addition to my wimpy crying, I feel like I wanna stab myself or do some head-banging or self-inflicting pain. But its not like that that's gonna help. Theres no one to cry to so im doing it silently. I hate my life. Sometimes I wish I could donate 2 years of my life to 8 individuals. Who told me to be born? Was it God? Where is he now? God feels like just a person I hear of so much yet his personality changes as my emotions change. Pat and my brother said im emo. Maybe I am but im just reeaally sad/pissed right now. I dont even know how im feeling. Maybe its time to give Josh my eyes in a jar haha...
Im going to a church retreat this weekend, with HOC5, my old church. My memory of the people were that they were fing rich and fing stuck up, and they are. Im wondering if I should be mean, since they're called to love everyone, regardless of status and personality. Its lame how people love this "God" when they feel like it, and donate money etc. when they're financially secure. Everythings so stupid. I have to go to community service in half an hour too.
Life fails, to sum it up. Actually, life doesn't fail. Its me who fails. Im the one making all the bad choices and ive learned a lot already, the hard way. But this is just stupid. I dont want to learn EVERYthing the hard way...
I'm crying again. I fail.
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